08.27.06 (7:58 pm)
Farewell to another summer [edit]
06.15.06 (8:25 am)
Live... [edit]
05.16.05 (10:43 pm)
Dementia [edit]
Conscious is never near me
Never think twice
Do what you want to
Never have any regrets
Pay no attention
This life isn’t real
Nothing is for certain
Bite the hand that feeds
It’s an illusion
Put your fears on a shelf
There’s no need for them
Today hasn’t even began
This isn’t a dream
Welcome to your new reality
05.13.05 (7:17 am)
never fear [edit]
04.25.05 (8:49 pm)
Unhappy quiz [edit]
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/PainfulBliss/qu izzes/Why" title="http://quizilla.com/users/PainfulBliss/qu izzes/Why" target="_blank"http://quizilla.com/users/Pai...%20are%20you%20sad%3F%20% 5Bamazing%20pictures%5D%2 0For%20darker%20people/"> <font size="-1">Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people</font></a ><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com" title="http://quizilla.com" target="_blank"http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a>&l t;/font>
04.25.05 (7:07 pm)
WOUNDED HEART [edit]
Freefalling into anxiety
Telling myself never surrender
I cannot lose myself
Time is the ripples of the sea
Slowly slipping from existence
The sounds of the rain
Slices me like razorblades
Through my memory
Dissects what is left of this broken man
Leading myself astray
Leaving my wounds saturated
Feeling satisfied
No more guilt
Sinless if only for a day
Darkness strikes but only for a moment
My mouth turns
The rag turns a beautiful shade of red
My way of showing I care
04.24.05 (9:49 pm)
IS it WORTH living?? [edit]
I just watched the movie sin city and it reminded me of Jon Bobbit and his misfortune. Which who could blame Lorania for being pissed. You can only take so much abuse before you snap. Unfortunate for Jon she decided to make him not able to pollute the world with his seed. And by doing that she decided when he was drunk and passed out to remove his key to happiness. And that’s what I feel it is. It makes me wonder if I didn’t have my key to happiness would it be worth living? I don’t think it would be to me. It keeps me going knowing that someday I will be able to be a father. I love kids and if I couldn’t have my own I think I would rather be dead. And in that note I don’t think I’m alone with that. I know there is more to life but I live looking forward to having a family. The thought of sharing something so special that it takes 9 months to be able to get the whole feeling of the miracle makes me look forward to being a dad. Not that I want to rush that. Not for any reason would I want to rush into that. I want to be stable and be able to support my wife and kids first. But some of the best miracles are spontaneous. Ok enough of my psycho babbling.
I also started a new job Saturday. I work at Chandler’s which is downtown P-town behind Simon’s general store. It’s a sweet place, something that maybe when I win the lotto I will be able to afford to take a date there. Until then maybe if I eat when I’m working I’ll eat there. Their sue chef is cool I really want to try his sushi. I love sushi in the first place but I watched how he prepared it. He actually added spices and such to his rice, which looked really good.
On Friday I played football with some of my friends. Kyle Hickman, Dan Shutten, John cool, Jamie Portajohn, and Ryan Hall were there. Well Jamie cleated me two inches away from making me a very unhappy man and secondly taking away my future kids. Jamie weighs all of three hundred. So I had bruises in the shape of a football cleat on my thigh. I don’t bruise easy either. So needless to say my leg is still aching. It was really fun though and I couldn’t stop playing just because of a little pain. All of you that know my sophomore year I played a whole game with my shoulder dislocated and I popped it in myself and couldn’t really move it but I still played and still did my job, know that I have a little bit of a pain tolerance and I don’t like to give up on anything.
And with that I bid you farewell.
04.19.05 (10:07 pm)
Inspiration [edit]
04.16.05 (9:50 am)
"What are snakes doing standing straight up in the road" [edit]
I have a new story to tell today, one of crazy lesbians, two friends that took some hallucinogens, and one D.D. (me) and our crazy adventure all over northern Michigan in a small truck. The night started out we were going to go out to cross village to some party which was cool. But we my friends got whoed out and not called and given directions to the house so they decided that they were going to another guys house and get some stuff. Then we embarked on a very magical journey. Well they did I was just driving laughing my ass off due to their crazy sightings and mindless rambling. At one point on the way to Gaylord we had to stop so we could piss so I pulled over on the side of the road by a swamp. And we were pissing and they decided they needed to call someone so they tried using the phone and there was no signal, so one of my friends screams “we have to leave the swamp swallows all, please we have to go.” So we left. And continued to Gaylord. We were going to Gaylord so they could go to Wallmart because they know all the people in our town. But back to the story, we get to Gaylord and they don’t remember where the Wallmart is so we go sit inside at glens on pop-up chairs. When one of my friends needs to go outside so he left and my other friend was making weird noises and he saw a pack of two knives for 6 bucks, so he picked them up than he sees corn pokers and grabs those too. I guess I didn’t know the significance of the corn pokers. They were about ready to lead us to the sun. Once again back to the truck we go. This time I was like I’m a little thirsty so I’m going to swing by Burger King. We all got a water and one of my friends ordered a large chocolate shake and some nuggets. We barely got out of Gaylord before he was like this is what I like about water… “EARTHQUAKE!!” and he starts shaking the water and splashed some on me and then dumped it on the friend 2. F.2 Freaked out and started doing a twitch he was so pissed. Than friend one I’m guessing had more because he decided the swamp couldn’t swallow him if he would follow the sun. Yep you guessed it this is where the corn pokers come into play. At this point F.1 was tripping out so bad in the back he literally jumped over the seat closed my eyes and head butted me. And of course this is the craziest turny road in the middle of nowhere taking these crazy back roads which actually ended us back on the main road after an hour and set us on the way to Boyne city. Now Boyne city is where the night got the most insane. We once again go to Glens. We get out of the truck and F.1 thinks the parking lot is so messy we need to clean it for them. Just then two hotties come walking toward us. At this point Kyle is changing his shirt because he dumped two full waters on himself. So the girls tell him to take it all off. He tells them he can’t because of his wallet. So he then hands me his wallet and is about ready to give them his pants… Great idea bud. But they told him he needed to drop it all. He got all worked out of shape you want to see my dick…ect. Then they told him that they were lesbians and wanted to see how far his dick would talk for him. That’s when I realized that I knew one of the girls it was this Alison that used to work with me at blockbuster. So they drive away and he leaps up ontop of his truck and starts screaming I love you come back to me don’t leave me I’ll do anything for you, Will you marry me… Oh god it was funny as hell but I was like ok lets go inside to F.2 so we went in there to go take a leak but then F.1 comes sprinting in there and screaming we have to go everyones coming to get me, we have to follow the sun to safety. So on the way out I apologize to the workers and we’re out. On the way he starts telling me this guy is going to cut off my head he is hanging on to the top of the truck with his arm through the roof and he is going to kill me. He then pulled out the corn pokers and started throwing them on the ground so the sound would help tell the sun where we were and to protect us. Needless to say we got home safe but that was just a crazy ass night. And he told me to always remember 3 things.
1. Don’t listen to the bullshit and peoples lies
2. We have the chance to be gods, we have their faces
3. Never go away from the sun.
That was a night unlike any other to me that I can remember. And that’s the keyword. Aight I’m out like now later
04.15.05 (1:15 am)
What a day... [edit]
Well when i got home about about 25 hours of course sleep was out of the question because theres too much swarming around in my head. My grandpa is still in the hospital but he is doing well. This morning they cut him back open to insert a pacemaker. also his quad-bipass wouldnt work because one of his arteries were too small so they could only get a triple which is ok with me cause they said if they tried to do a quad it could hinder him more than help. But a funny thing about today is my grandpas nurse (who is fine) was joking around with my whole family and somehow it was brought up that I'm the only single member left in my family and she decided to throw out that she has a 19 year old daughter who works in financial aid in a college in Iowa. And is going to school. Than she goes a step further and starts describing her "shes about 5'1" blondish auburn hair, big boobs..." thats when i started cracking up and my mom decided to stop her and ask about her eye color "she has blueish green eyes, and a big smile" than she told me when i come to visit my grandpa tomorrow shes bringing a picture to show me and that if i really want to i can come visit. Amazing I must put on a pretty good first impression to have a stranger try to set me up with her daughter and say that i can come to her house and visit. then she left the room and i said to joe my cuzin if her daughter is anything like her mother I'm game. There went joe running after her down the hall to tell her. she then came back and said that her daughter looks exactly like her. HA thanks joe you ass. But hey I'm not very shy like anyone that actually knows me would tell you. Not that I would hit on my grandpas nurse but it was kinda inevitable once i started talking to her. I went there after striking out fishing yet again. The rain needs to come so the fish will run. Or as my grandpa told me today, in all my years of life I've never seen a fish run. Now i'm not completly dense but it took me a second but then i laughed in stupidity for not understanding what he was saying. I have a fun filled weekend coming up for me. My ex megan is coming up and she asked me if i would go 2tracking with her which sounds fun. Than I have a few people i need to see this weekend just to remanis about good ol' times. Maybe go try out my new dance moves thanks to napolean dynomite lol. Yea right not quite my style but hey if im not really out to impress, I'ts me take it or leave it, if you take it your in for a treat, if you leave it looks like its your loss. I heard a funny joke earlier so i will do my job and tell you all.
There is this 87 year old man and he goes to the hospital and hes getting his checkup and the doctor asks him "so hows your sex life"
"well i almost have sex every day"
"Your an 87 year old man and you almost have sex everyday?!?!"
"yea almost monday, almost tuesday..."
Well i found it hillarious and i dont even remember who told me. Oh wait yes i do it was kevins uncle jim at glens. It was the most random thing when he said it but it was awesome. I heard about this awesome band from norway today and I really like it alot. they are called Madrugada Industrial Silence they are quite original sounds like a mixture of the styles or radiohead and pearljam with the mood of some floyd. It's good i reccomend it. I'm not quite sure if it has released in america i got it from dave who got it from his friend in norway. Anyways I should try to get some sleep. goodnight
04.13.05 (10:54 am)
Dedicated to all whom this is about [edit]
Hello and welcome to another exhilarating tidbit into my life and thoughts. Well thanks to someone who I will call Tom, a bunch of unnecessary drama has once again fallen into my life. Thanks Tom. I could honestly care less about myself in this situation but another person is in this and they care. People should learn that they don’t belong in other people business and put themselves out of it. I don’t go meddling around in other people’s personal life and that’s how it should be. So how about people that aren’t in the problem try not to be more of a problem and worry about themselves. If you think I’m being vague I am. Because a lot of people have found their way into my business and I don’t feel more people need to be incline in my life and business. A bunch of people is getting upset for no reason and that’s pretty fucked up and not right. Someday I hope everyone grows up and doesn’t get all worked out of shape for no apparent reason what so ever. If for some reason someone wants to enlighten me on why everyone is being so fickle you either know my number or know someone who does so why don’t you call me and we can talk. Maybe to some I’m being naive but I feel that I’m being more mature than most at this point.
04.10.05 (8:17 pm)
My wrath isn't over yet [edit]
04.05.05 (9:52 pm)
I'm not J.C. but i am... [edit]
04.04.05 (2:33 am)
Fade [edit]
Hostile feeling nothing
Living this heartache
File away my memories
Thinking is what pains me
Slowly lying in this grave
Requiem and emptiness
Death is but a feeling after all
What is to feel when your lost anyways
Forever thinking
Wandering through the past
Whats gone is still here
Never leaves my every thought
Wasting my life for nothing
Curruption in my mind
Neglecting what I say
Can't see what I have seen
My innerself is talking
Innocence is gone
No reason for what I do
My everything is nothing
On the verge panic
Feels like I'm drowning
Starving myself of truth
Lies coming to get me
Melancholy smile
Another wasted hour
Watching that dark sunset one more time
04.04.05 (12:26 am)
Whats another night... [edit]
Once again its past 4am and guess whose still up can't sleep, yea thatd be me. Lucky me. Tonight josh and i went to ann arbor to get pizza from pizza house. yea it was good. the first time our waiter, a guy we know from going there often, was delivering the table next to ours and our pizza at the same time and he set ours down on the table so he could put theirs down and the bitch sitting at the table took a piece and devoured it. than tells him this isnt the right pizza. he was like thats their pizza well was than he had to put another order in and this time the cook fucked it up, so we got insteadt of a chicken alfredo pizza we got a regular pizza with chicken and feta cheeze, which tastes good too i found out, but we got that free and we still got our pizza. we were there for an hour and a half before we ate but it was damn good. and we have lunch tomorrow also. so thats a bonus of being patient. i dont do that whole thing very well that patience thing kinda is lacked on my self list. well kinda i dunno something are well worth the wait and others i just cant seem to find the time to wait for them because you only have so much time in this life to make your mark and its hard to make anything while nothings happening. which is my current problem, work... i moved to warren from petoskey to get a better job that was lined up but fell through, to have a life, and just for a change... well the change part is there but i haven't a job or a life because i dont know enough people around here and i dont have a car due to gettin it haxed. so yea thats my problem of the month. Oh and on another note i havent had any brews in over a week and my body is starting to torture me. Yea if i had any clues on life what so ever i might have a reason to crack a smile. Ha i just had the best idea ever. If i were to kill somebody the bright side would be in prison all you do is lift weights become a bad mother shut your mouth, join the prison boxing league and build a career for yourself so when you get out you can box your way to the top and make something out of yourself. but yea that still wouldnt be good cause i might be able to fight off a guy or 2 at once but id still have a mob on me and my ass having to be sewed... such a bad idea. lol i think that statement just made people wonder about how much of a sick twisted fuck i really am. to be honest im not really that messed up everyone thinks of weird shit it just takes someone mentally derranged to roll with it. I'm not mentally derranged and i wouldnt have what it takes to do something like that unless it was a kill or be killed sitch. and in that case my life would have to be at risk. but if someone were to hold a member of my blood or closeness at risk i would gladly snap some necks or plunge an extreamly sharp object through their head. and thats that. dont fuck with loved ones cause it will be you who gets dealt with. im so argh wanting to be asleep... its 4:30 in the morning and there is negitive things to do. I would love for life to just kinda straighten itself out and make it abundantly clear on how shit is spose to go. that would be just great and i would love it. then i would know what to do and how to get there and i wouldnt have to be worried about stupid shit like a job id know where to go and have everything work itself out. that would be the greatest thing ever. Anyways this is being repepative and im sorry for making all of you more dumber in reading this jumble about nothing but sleep depravation. im out
04.03.05 (1:40 pm)
Jesus or just a genius? [edit]
Charles Manson was quite a man. He made people think he was jesus as in christ. I would love to meet that guy just because of the way he infiltrated peoples mind into killing for him. He never killed anyone throughout his reign. I feel that takes a genius all to prevoke an "inevitable" war between the blacks and whites. It's a crazy thought but to think what could have happen if it did start the war or all wars? The entire white population would be gone. Unless Charlie did lead his pack to a bottomless pit to wait untill the war was over than all that would be left is the manson family. Here is a picture of charlie
<img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y104/fallenfat e/mansonmug.jpg" title="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y104/fallenfat e/mansonmug.jpg" target="_blank"http://i4.photobucket.com/alb..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">
Here is a picture of susan atkins
<img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y104/fallenfat e/susanatkins.jpg" title="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y104/fallenfat e/susanatkins.jpg" target="_blank"http://i4.photobucket.com/alb..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">
Susan or "saddy" is scheduled for a parole hearing on june 1st. She was arrested for whorin herself out but when she was awaiting trial she bragged to inmates about specifics in the tate murders and how she killed them with three others which put her where she is today in a Max. security prison.
Charles Manson, Patricia Krenwinkle, Susan Atkins, and Leslie Van Houten were found guilty of murder and conspiracy to commit murder all awarded the death penalty but the death penalty got removed before their trip. Manson is now 70 and I would love to meet the guy just to meet an actual prisoner of psycosis, or a genius in his own way is what id like to say. Thats all I'm gonna write for now cause im gettin bored but anways Manson and his ways will always intrest me.
04.03.05 (12:28 pm)
this is my sr. pic of 03' [edit]
04.01.05 (11:31 pm)
waiting... [edit]
<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/K/koshii/1045783386_V nailbunny.jpg" title="http://images.quizilla.com/K/koshii/1045783386_V nailbunny.jpg" target="_blank"http://images.quizilla.com/K/..." border="0" alt="bunnyresult">< br>You're Nailbunny! You are the voice of reason.<br>Unfortunately for you, you're just a<br>hallucination.
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i slept yesterday like i had never slept before i actually slept for prolly aprx. 10 hours. yea thats so much for me. im payin for it now though but im kinda used to bein the only one awake and without a vehicle so its not like i can go find something to do, and without a job its not like i could do anything anyways. but yea i plan on being awake all day now and maybe tomorrow night i can start up a better sleep schedule... right... i can dream though cant i. hopefully by the end of the week i will have a job and be busy that would be nice. i found my charger today. its all rusted actually its so rusted i cant tell what color its spose to be. it was a 69' 1300 it woulda been mine if i hit the lotto. but i dont see that happenin so it looks like i have to set priorities. first a job, money, beater, place, bigger plave with garage, than my charger. or the lotto... i like that one better. i only want to win once or twice. ill invest most of it except what i feel obligated to put back into the society. i could go on and on and on about what i would do with all the money i would win if i struck the lotto but i dont feel the need to get itno details with the cards ive been dealt in this life i have Z worlds worst hand besides the very unfortunate ones and for those im sorry and i wish you better luck than me so i can bitch some more. i just noticed a bone chip in my knucle that i sliced way open with i was workin on my car so i could move down here. woohoo i got something to do now. remove bone chip opperation. not that its hurting anything it just bugs me now that i noticed it. and i have the song wait stuck in my head and its been there all day.
wish i could wait... till i hit the ground harder
wish i could wait... to hear your heart beat fast
grrr if i could hear the song it would be out of my head. maybe what i need to do is get a differnt song in my head by playin something else thats catchy all the same. if tom pety cant do it i dont know who can. actually im going to put this on draw a bit and try to catch some zzz... wishful thinkin but i guess you never know when your up all the time theres gotta be a crash. scary though but yea ill write more later because im going to start writin a little bit more when im hella bored or cant sleep also means hella bored its just iwth the added noone else is around to aid in my bordom. anyways im out peace.
03.30.05 (10:34 am)
WHAT HAPPEN TO D?? [edit]
03.24.05 (11:50 pm)
Blind Truth [edit]
Endless confusion
Broken glass and Bleeding knuckles
Look at what I've done
Patience is nothing
Pain is a better friend
Hold on Be strong
Tears are for the weak
Failure has the day off
Break me down
Pick me up
Forget who I am and who i was
Consider me dead and gone
I was never here to you anyways
Lack of sleep
Growing faint
I die tonight I won't be late
You're the reason my world stopped turning
I floated away into the clouds
Than plunged into the earth
I am already dead
Just not officially
03.18.05 (7:20 am)
broken hearts and crushed rib cages [edit]
02.05.05 (4:55 pm)
.. [edit]
Hey John,
This is Amy. Just wanted to write you a little something. Hope you don't mind. I think your awesome. We should hang out sometime with Kimmy and Josh.
♥
01.29.05 (8:07 pm)
New Life [edit]
01.03.05 (12:13 am)
happynew years [edit]
09.10.04 (5:19 pm)
My truck [edit]

